Teaching Independence to My 10-Year-Old Without Going Outside Alone

As a parent, I navigate the delicate balance between safety and independence for my child. I started walking everywhere alone by age 8, yet my 10-year-old doesn’t go outside unsupervised. Still, they have more independence than I had growing up.

Reflecting on My Own Childhood

A couple of winters ago, I stumbled upon a letter from over 30 years ago from my sister. It described how she and our cousin rode six miles across Berkeley, California at age 11. This memory made me realize the vast difference in parenting style between my childhood and my approach to parenthood.

Growing up, starting from the age of 8, I walked close to a mile to school and undertook other errands alone. Activities such as music lessons and visiting friends were solo endeavors, which inherently fostered independence.

Safety Concerns in a Modern Context

Today, I am hesitant to permit my child this same freedom, due to safety concerns. Our move to Toronto introduced high-traffic challenges near our home. Despite the neighborhood’s bustling nature, my child’s occasional inability to stay alert is concerning.

Compounding this is my long COVID condition requiring a wheelchair, putting me at constant risk near traffic. All these factors make it difficult to feel comfortable about my child’s unsupervised outings at the moment.

Offering Support in Ways My Parents Could Not

In retrospect, my childhood’s apparent freedom was sometimes marred by fear. Unnerving experiences like men following or catcalling exacerbated an environment where my parents’ support felt minimal beyond basic necessities. This highlights why I am glad to be more present for my child.

My child, by contrast, enjoys freedoms that enhance life skills:

• Preparing simple dishes without supervision
• Selling old toys to fund new purchases
• Managing the household grocery orders online on days I am unwell

Preparing for the Realities of Adulthood

While I gained resilience from my independent outings as a child, I acknowledge that my child, being an Afro-Latine, will face unique challenges. We aim to prepare them for these through:

• Self-defense training from a young age
• Educating them on consent and safety in public spaces
• Homeschooling, allowing a tailored approach to building independence

The choice of homeschool provides flexibility in imparting necessary skills for city life. They learn at a pace that matches their comfort and our safety standards.

Future Aspirations for More Freedom

Presently, due to our circumstances, we cannot leave Toronto for a more conducive environment, yet our goal remains to afford our child greater autonomy. Until such a move is possible, we embrace the support and skills we can extend within our current confines.

In culmination, guiding my child through a structured but liberating journey is rewarding. Although physical independence like solo outings isn’t feasible yet, imbibing independence through life’s various other aspects offers them a foundation for a resilient and capable future.

Source: https://www.businessinsider.com/wish-i-could-give-child-more-independence-2024-12