Sometimes the generational divide isn’t about values—it’s about the refusal to acknowledge that values have changed.

Every generation thinks the ones after it are doing life wrong. But there’s something uniquely charged about the current standoff between Boomers and everyone else. It’s not about avocado toast or participation trophies. It’s about fundamentally different ideas of what deserves an apology—and what absolutely doesn’t.

The friction isn’t about these specific behaviors. It’s about worldviews formed when social contracts were different, when certain assumptions went unchallenged, when one generation’s reality seemed like universal truth. The refusal to apologize isn’t stubbornness—it’s incomprehension. Why apologize for being right?

1. Calling instead of texting (especially via FaceTime with no warning)

To Boomers, spontaneous phone calls are connection. They grew up when the ring of a phone meant possibility, when long-distance calls were events, when voices were the only way to bridge distance. The idea that calling without permission is invasive? Incomprehensible.

Meanwhile, younger generations treat unexpected calls like someone showing up at their door at dinner time. The phone ring triggers actual anxiety—what emergency justifies this intrusion? FaceTime without warning? That’s demanding someone be camera-ready for a surprise inspection.

The clash is about boundaries and accessibility. Boomers see constant availability as closeness; everyone else sees it as surveillance. Neither side is wrong, but only one side treats their preference as moral superiority.

2. Showing up early to everything

“If you’re not early, you’re late.” Boomers wear chronic earliness like a medal, arriving 20 minutes before dinner reservations, 30 minutes before parties, sitting in parking lots checking watches. It’s about respect, they insist. About valuing other people’s time.

Except showing up early to someone’s home actually disrespects their time—the time they calculated they needed to prepare. The host, frantically hiding clutter, still in cooking clothes, stressed about entertaining while trying to finish prep. But Boomers don’t see this as inconsiderate. They see punctuality as virtue, context be damned.

The difference? Younger people see time as fluid, collaborative, negotiated through texts. Boomers see it as fixed, with early arrival the only acceptable error.

3. Commenting on people’s weight, appearance, and life choices

“You look like you’ve lost weight!” “When are you having kids?” “That’s an interesting career choice.” Boomers deliver these observations like gifts, genuinely puzzled when they’re not received with gratitude. They grew up when commenting on bodies was small talk, when life milestones had schedules, when certain paths were so expected that deviation required explanation.

They don’t see these comments as invasive because, in their framework, they’re not. They’re showing interest, making conversation, expressing care through attention to detail. The idea that someone’s weight is off-limits, that reproductive choices are private, that career paths don’t need defending—these are new social contracts they never signed.

The trigger isn’t just the comments themselves but the certainty behind them. The absolute conviction that they’re being helpful, that their observations are both accurate and welcome, that silence in the face of obvious (to them) issues would be negligent.

4. Insisting on phone calls for customer service

Watch a Boomer navigate a simple account issue, and you’ll witness someone choosing the hardest possible path with righteous determination. The website has the answer. The app could fix it in two clicks. The chatbot knows exactly what to do. But they want to “talk to a real person,” spending 45 minutes on hold to accomplish what could have taken 45 seconds.

This isn’t just technological resistance. It’s a fundamental belief that human interaction is superior, that efficiency without connection is hollow, that the young person suggesting they “just do it online” doesn’t understand what’s being lost. They’re not wrong—something is being lost. They’re just wrong about whether that something is worth 45 minutes of hold music.

The refusal to apologize for this inefficiency isn’t stubbornness—it’s principle. They’re holding the line (literally) for human connection in an increasingly automated world. That this hold takes up their afternoon and delays everyone behind them in line? That’s everyone else’s problem for being in such a rush.

5. Their relationship with Facebook

They share articles without reading them, comment in ALL CAPS without realizing they’re shouting, post your photos from 2003 without permission, and fall for misinformation that confirms their worldview. Their Facebook is chaos—part scrapbook, part soapbox, part unintentional performance art.

Ask them to apologize? Blank stares. They’re using it exactly as they understand it: staying connected, sharing interests, maintaining relationships. That there are unwritten rules, that their enthusiasm is embarrassing, that their technical mistakes are public—none of this computes.

They joined to see grandkid photos and ended up in a digital culture they never signed up for. Their refusal to apologize isn’t defiance—it’s exhaustion with ever-changing rules they never agreed to follow.

6. Making service workers chat and “teaching moments”

The grocery store checkout isn’t just a transaction—it’s an opportunity for connection. The server isn’t just bringing food—they’re a potential conversation partner. Every service interaction becomes extended, personal, philosophical. “Now let me tell you why I order it that way…” “When I was your age…” “Here’s what you should really be studying…”

Younger generations watch in horror as Boomers turn a coffee order into a life coaching session. The captive audience of service workers forced to smile through unsolicited advice, personal questions, and lengthy stories while a line forms behind them. The obliviousness to power dynamics, to the difference between friendliness and imposed intimacy.

But Boomers see this as kindness, as treating service workers like “real people” rather than robots. They’re breaking down class barriers, acknowledging humanity, refusing to treat interactions as purely transactional. That the server might prefer efficient transactions to forced personal connection? That’s just young people not knowing how to really connect anymore.

7. Refusing to admit when they’re wrong about technology

They insisted email was a fad. Swore they’d never need smartphones. Claimed social media would never last. Now they’re on their third iPhone, checking Facebook hourly, yet somehow the narrative hasn’t changed. Technology is still ruining everything, even as they depend on it completely.

Point out the contradiction and watch the deflection. They use technology despite itself, not because they were wrong. Every glitch confirms their suspicions, every update is deliberate confusion, every new platform proves it’s all unnecessary complexity.

This refusal to admit error about technology is really about something bigger. They built lives on certain assumptions about progress and connection. Technology disrupted everything. Admitting they were wrong about the tools means admitting they might be wrong about the rest.

Final thoughts

What triggers us most about these behaviors isn’t the behaviors themselves—it’s what feels like willful blindness to change. Every unapologetic phone call, every early arrival, every Facebook faux pas is a small insistence that their world is the real one, and everyone else is confused.

But here’s what makes this standoff poignant: Boomers are the last generation to remember a truly analog world. Their refusal to apologize isn’t just stubbornness—it’s preservation. They’re holding onto ways of being that, once gone, won’t return.

The tragedy isn’t their refusal to apologize. It’s that we’re so busy being triggered, we miss what they’re really protecting: a world where people answered phones, showed up early, and talked to strangers because those things mattered. They’re not wrong about that world having value. They’re just wrong about preserving it through sheer refusal to acknowledge its passing.

Maybe the real generational divide isn’t about these behaviors at all. It’s about whether we see change as loss or evolution—and whether we can find value in both perspectives without demanding apologies from either side.