I am noticing a growing movement where women are less concerned about looking their age, whether it’s makeup-free Pamela, silver and chic Andie Macdowell, or Ashley Judd not caring what we think about her swimsuit-clad mature form in a splashy Instagram frolic.

In fact, it almost seems like older women are caring less about what people think about their appearance, despite other age groups feeling less confident than they did a decade ago. This isn’t to say that older women don’t want to present themselves in fashionable and stylish ways like their younger counterparts; they’ve just probably grown a little tired of the narrow societal expectations of having to look the youngest they possibly can.

There is a growing and healthier trend where more women openly discuss their age, the challenges of growing older and how to maximise their years without necessarily prioritising beauty. This is one of the core messages of the Silver Sirens group who hold various events annually for women over 50.

Celebrities like Naomi Watts are discussing perimenopause on shows and podcasts; influencers are celebrating their silver locks on Instagram; and Hollywood is celebrating more women over 40 than ever before.

Of course, “age empowerment” is still a mixed bag of confused messages. We have been exposed to stereotypes from such a young age and, because of this, uncoupling notions of youth and beauty does not come that naturally. We’re still brainwashed to think that ageing cannot coexist with beauty. However, VOGUE Philippines – who featured 106 year old traditional tattooist Apo Whang-Od on their cover in April 2023 – would disagree.

We grew up watching fairy tales where women were often depicted as either young, beautiful and wholesome, or old, ugly and mean. No wonder it has been a challenge to shirk off those internalised feelings that equates being older to automatically being considered unattractive.

Often, anti-ageing products marketed to us purport to be supportive of our ageing faces, when in reality they are still trading on the same tired narrative that looking younger equals looking better. The global cosmetic industry generates over $624bn dollars in revenue annually mining embedded age-related insecurities.

We live in a time when we are saturated by social media images of beautiful, youthful-looking influencers and beauty products. For this reason, body image issues are particularly strong within younger generations, with one study of over 1,000 participants finding that 58% of girls aged 15 to 24 do not have a positive view of their physical appearance. Another study found that 7 million adult Australians (38% of the population) are considering getting cosmetic surgery.

However, the grey revolution is here, and growing, using the same digital media.

The good news is that at a certain point in life we become less focused on our outer appearance and more attuned to the quiet experience of our inner life – and the number of years that we probably have left comes into sharp relief.

It is often around midlife that this realisation – recognised as “future time perspective” – sees us prioritising and rearranging our lives to experience what matters most. Laura Carstensen, the director of the Stanford Centre on Longevity, describes it as the tendency to focus on and appreciate meaningful experiences as our time becomes limited.

Transitioning into midlife is when we cross the cultural border from younger to older and where we possibly cling to an identity that is still grounded in our physical appearance. Arguably, the more negative age stereotypes we unconsciously harbour, the more difficult the transition.

But many older people report feelings of gratitude just to be alive and to have their health. By this stage in life we’ve had, or have known someone with a serious or chronic illness and, indeed, we have lost loved ones too. These experiences may frame our ageing journeys a little differently; we become grateful for ageing at this point.

I realise there are more important things in the world right now than contemplating our ageing appearance, but I spent almost seven years studying the ageing process and self-perceptions of ageing – ironically while entering menopause and transitioning into midlife. What I discovered is one of the best-kept secrets about getting older: the contentedness that kicks in that allows you to give fewer fucks about many things, including your so-called “fading appearance”.

Openly caring less is not only a good way to mow down those internal insecurities about growing or looking older, but it also backs over them again, leaving them flattened and very much in the rear-view mirror. That is perhaps the subtle shift from age empowerment to age liberation.

In fact, research shows a kind of age positivity bias that continues into our advanced years, and apparently – from an emotional perspective – women in their 70s are the happiest cohort of people. In my 50s, I am enjoying caring less about how my appearance is perceived by society and enjoying more of being able to move through life with increased balance, equanimity and appreciation for this one precious ageing journey.