Dear Abby: Our 23-year-old son, “Ed,” was clean-cut, into working out and staying healthy, watched his diet — he even joined a gym and was going every week. Ed has been dating a girl, “Emily,” who is the complete opposite. She’s probably a hundred pounds overweight. She’s also dirty, (when she comes here, there have been days she doesn’t take a shower).

Twice I have found Emily’s lingerie on the floor. Last week, she left a pair of her panties on the bathroom floor. I showed Ed and told him that was the SECOND time I had found her underwear (the first time I didn’t say anything). I said, “You have to talk to Emily and tell her not to leave her underwear laying around.”

I see a change in Ed. My son hasn’t cut his hair in 2 1/2 years and he no longer appears to be as into working out. This is not who we are as a family. My husband and I are fit for our ages (60s) and by all standards clean and orderly. Should I say anything to Ed? I feel like Emily is changing who he is.

— NOT THE SAME IN THE EAST

Dear Not The Same: Please stop blaming Emily for the changes you have observed. Your son is making those changes himself. Although his girlfriend appears to be ignorant about basic hygiene, I am not sure you are the parent who should discuss this with Ed. He might be less defensive if “the talk” comes from his father, man to man.

I am unclear if your son still lives in the home with you or if he and his girlfriend have a place of their own. If it’s the former, you would certainly be within your rights to point out that you have a hamper for soiled clothes and to please use it. If they live separately, consider gifting them one for their place.

See all “Dear Abby” columns

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, California 90069. Copyright 2025, Andrews McMeel Syndication.