Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My husband “Park” has put me in an impossible position. One of his coworkers breeds Siberian Huskies and gave him a 10-week-old puppy to surprise our kids with. It was a complete surprise to me, too—the first I learned of it was when he brought “Rapunzel” home.

It’s been three months, and despite my best efforts, it’s not working out. As I have come to learn, this is a very high energy breed, and with three kids who are 3, 5, and 7, I simply don’t have the necessary time to exercise and train her. So Rapunzel is a four-legged tornado who is inconsistently housebroken and who frequently howls. My husband keeps telling me he will pitch in more with her, but it never happens. When I approached Park about re-homing Rapunzel, he said if I wanted to do that, I would have to be the one to explain it to the kids. I feel like I’m trapped in a nightmare. If I re-home the dog, I’m the monster. If I don’t, I feel like I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown where I get in my car, drive away, and never look back. What am I supposed to do here?

—Smothered

Dear Smothered,

What an incredibly careless and irresponsible thing to do to a group of people you are supposed to love! Surprising your family with a puppy is such a classic “dumb sitcom dad” move that you have to wonder if Park experiences the world in the same capacity as the rest of us.

Good news, though! If Park can bring home a dog without asking you, you can re-home that same dog without asking him. It sounds like Park will be a total coward and blame you. Imagine the lack of bravery to be incapable of standing up to 3, 5 and 7 year-olds! Instead, he should support your decision because he respects you. This would probably require a level of adulting that is far beyond him.

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Before you re-home Rapunzel, talk with your kids. Ideally you and Park would talk with them together, but it sounds like he lacks the fortitude for it—did I mention he was a coward? You might even talk to your 7-year-old first and have her help you explain the situation to the younger ones. Frame the change as what is best for Rapunzel and, secondarily, best for your family. Even if kids don’t say anything, they can see how much work Rapunzel is and how much stress it is causing you.

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Based on the actions you’ve described, Park doesn’t respect you or your time. Your husband is crummy. You might want to consider a new one or none at all. Maybe do both of the things you mentioned: re-home the dog and get in the car and drive away and never look back (but take the kids).

—Greg

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