If you pretend not to see people in public sometimes, these 8 reasons might explain it
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Diverging Reports Breakdown
If you pretend not to see people in public sometimes, these 8 reasons might explain it
A quick “Hey, how are you?” can feel like launching a TED Talk. A two-sentence check-in keeps civility alive without draining you dry. Skipping the hello can be an act of courtesy rather than rejection. Fear of reopening old wounds can jolt dormant emotions. Inattentional blindness (a.k.a. being in your head) can make you overlook a friend’s need for space or a stranger’S need for attention. A quick apology mends the most bruised feelings and builds a bond with the neighbor’“Exposure in miniature” is a miniature therapy session in a miniature dog’d bar. The best way to deal with strangers is to say “I’m happy to see you’re having a good day” and “Have a great day,” not “How are you” or “What are you doing today?’ ”
A few deep breaths later you exit, un‐greeted and, if you’re honest, a little guilty.
Why do otherwise kind, sociable people pull this disappearing act? During my finance-analyst days I chalked it up to “being busy,” but the truth is messier—and more human.
Below are eight plausible motives I’ve observed in myself, friends, and readers over the years. As you scan the list, ask yourself which ones resonate. That awareness alone can soften the guilt and open the door to healthier habits.
1. Social battery is drained
Picture finishing a long workday only to run into someone who chats in paragraphs.
When your mental battery flashes red, even a quick “Hey, how are you?” can feel like launching a TED Talk.
Psychologist Susan Cain captures the dilemma well: “Introverts … may have strong social skills … but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas.”
If you’re low on charge, remind yourself that saying a brief hello rarely empties the tank.
A two-sentence check-in keeps civility alive without draining you dry.
2. Spike in social anxiety
Some days my inner critic whispers, You’ll sound awkward; don’t risk it.
That voice is classic social anxiety, a pattern many of us hide behind the fig leaf of “I’m just in a hurry.”
Anxiety expert Ellen Hendriksen notes, “Our assumption that others will be judgmental and rejecting is actually quite ungenerous of us.”
Reality check: most passers-by are wrapped up in their own grocery lists, not grading your small talk. A friendly nod can be enough to prove the critic wrong.
3. Protecting precious mental bandwidth
After eight hours crunching numbers, I’d step onto the subway craving silence, not chitchat.
Cognitive bandwidth—like data on your phone—gets used up.
Pretending not to notice someone can be a clumsy attempt to protect the few megabytes left.
Tip: offer a quick smile while continuing on your way.
You stay polite and preserve the brainpower needed to navigate the commute (or choose dinner ingredients).
4. Emotional boundaries with “energy vampires”
We all have that well-meaning friend who turns five minutes of small talk into a therapy session.
If you already feel stretched thin, dodging them might be self-preservation. As therapist Guy Winch reminds us, “We often neglect our psychological wounds until they become severe enough to impair our functioning.”
Setting limits doesn’t make you heartless.
It simply acknowledges that kindness toward others begins with kindness toward yourself.
5. Fear of reopening old wounds
Running into an ex-partner, estranged friend, or former boss can jolt dormant emotions.
Pretending not to see them spares you a flood of memories you’d rather keep sealed. If that happens, notice the trigger and treat yourself with compassion.
Later, decide whether avoidance is still serving you or if a calm, civil greeting could close the loop.
6. Respecting their possible need for space
Sometimes you feel fine but suspect the other person might not.
Maybe they’re wearing headphones, juggling toddlers, or in deep conversation. Skipping the hello can be an act of courtesy rather than rejection.
If you’re unsure, default to a gentle wave; it leaves the ball in their court.
7. Inattentional blindness (a.k.a. being in your head)
Trail running taught me that focus narrows when I’m scanning for roots and rocks.
The same happens in city streets. You may be rehearsing tomorrow’s presentation, planning a dinner menu, or replaying a podcast insight—and honestly not register familiar faces.
Later, when someone says, “I waved but you didn’t see me,” believe them!
A quick apology and explanation mends most bruised feelings.
8. Habit stacked on modern life
Over years of scrolling feeds and ordering lattes without chatting, avoidance can morph into default behavior.
If you’d like to reverse that trend, start tiny: greet the barista by name, compliment a stranger’s tote bag, make eye contact with the neighbor’s dog.
Exposure therapy in miniature builds a muscle memory of social ease.
Final thoughts
If you recognized yourself in more than one of these reasons, welcome to the club. Pretending not to see people is rarely about rudeness; it’s a coping strategy—sometimes healthy, sometimes not.
Next time you feel the urge to vanish behind the cereal boxes, pause.
Ask: Is my battery truly empty? Am I afraid of judgment? Am I guarding time or just reinforcing habit?
A brief smile or nod often costs less energy than avoidance and pays dividends in goodwill. On days when you honestly can’t spare even that, extend the same grace to yourself that you’d offer a friend.
After all, self-development isn’t about perfection; it’s about noticing patterns and choosing, moment by moment, how you want to show up in the world—produce aisle and all.