Providing healthy and affordable food in key settings allows people to make healthier choices. When healthy foods are unavailable, people may settle for foods that are higher in calories and lower in nutritional value.

Chronic diseases account for 70% of all U.S. deaths every year. Poor diets contribute to chronic diseases such as heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and obesity. Some communities and people with lower incomes are more likely to lack convenient places that offer affordable, healthier foods.

Food distribution centers are where food is given away. Examples include food banks and pantries.

Food service venues are where people eat prepared or packaged food away from home. Examples include cafeterias, snack bars, and vending machine.

Food retail venues are where people buy food to prepare and eat at home. Examples include supermarkets and corner stores.

Share this infographic with decision-makers or other partners.

Many strategies can help create and support healthy food environments. Examples include:

What states and communities can do

State and local health department staff and community organizations can support healthier food and beverage access in several ways. Two strategies are highlighted here:

Implement food service and nutritional guidelines.

Establish fruit and vegetable voucher incentive and produce prescription programs.

Public health practitioners can work with partners to implement food service and nutrition guidelines and fruit and vegetable programs. Common topics of interest include health access, environmental sustainability, waste reduction, economic development, and cultural food preferences.

Food service and nutritional guidelines

State and local health departments can promote healthier foods and beverages using the Food Service Guidelines for Federal Facilities in facilities that are state or locally owned or operated. They can also:

Encourage other institutions—such as recreational centers, colleges and universities, hospitals, and other worksites—to implement food service guidelines.

Bring together partners, such as leadership or wellness staff, at these institutions.

Reach out to professional organizations, such as hospital associations, and offer technical assistance and training as needed.

For organizations that distribute food, such as food banks or pantries, the Healthy Eating Research Nutrition Guidelines for the Charitable Food System is recommended for use.

Resources

Strategies for Food Service and Nutrition Guidelines

Includes background, potential state and local activities, examples of what others are doing, and resources.

Food Service Guidelines for Federal Facilities

Helps increase healthy food and beverage choices and sustainable practices in federal worksites. Can be used for cafeterias, concession stands, snack bars, and vending machines.

Food Service Guidelines Implementation Toolkit

Describes how to build a foundation, strategize and act, monitor and evaluate, and expand food service guidelines initiatives.

Tips for Offering Healthier Options and Physical Activity at Workplace Meetings and Events

Provides suggestions and resources for increasing healthier foods and beverages at worksite meetings, conferences, and events. Also includes physical activity opportunities for employees throughout the workday.

Fruit and vegetable voucher incentive and produce prescription programs

State and local health department staff can support this strategy in many ways, such as:

Providing state benefit coverage for patients enrolled in these programs.

Supporting local policies that make it easier for food retailers that accept incentives or prescriptions.

Working with representatives from Medicaid programs, including state agencies, payers, and health systems, to implement, expand, and evaluate fruit and vegetable programs.

Health department staff and local organizations can help local programs identify funding sources for:

Developing and implementing pilot programs.

Buying produce.

Supporting nutrition education.

Resources

Voucher Incentives and Produce Prescriptions

Provides background of fruit and vegetable programs and is a landing page to more detailed information on these programs.

Nutrition Incentive Hub

Resources to support nutrition incentive and produce prescription projects. Provides information about training, technical assistance, reporting, evaluation, and marketing and communications.

Supporting Food and Nutrition Security Through Healthcare

Information to help health care systems and their public health partners increase access to nutritious food for patients at high risk of food insecurity.

Attractive and appealing displays encourage selection of healthier foods.

A second glass of wine after dinner, a nightcap before bed, a beer at the end of the day, and a few trips to the bar before making it home. Your partner drinks, but they’ve never drunk like this before, and certainly not alone either. Naturally, you’re worried. But, are there grounds to be concerned?

We’ve all heard that drinking alone can be a red flag for alcohol addiction. But it’s not always that simple.

Noah Kass, LCSW, a licensed psychotherapist

Many people believe drinking alone is a sign of an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, but it’s not that simple. You can certainly experience drinking alone in a healthy way, such as unwinding after a long day, eating dinner, or watching a show. — Noah Kass, LCSW, a licensed psychotherapist

Addiction counselor Michael Villarreal, CADC, echoes this. “While drinking by yourself can raise concerns, it’s not always a sign of alcohol addiction or a bad relationship with alcohol,” he notes.

So, if your partner is enjoying a drink alone, it doesn’t automatically mean they have a drinking problem. But it’s definitely worth paying attention to, especially if there are signs that their relationship with alcohol might be heading down a more problematic path.

At a Glance Drinking alone isn’t a sure sign that your partner has an alcohol use disorder. But if they’re drinking to cope with stress or numb emotions, it’s a good idea to have a frank and supportive conversation about it. If you’re concerned about your partner’s drinking, you might both benefit from speaking with a mental health professional—such as a couple’s therapist or an addiction counselor.

Is Drinking Alone Normal?

Here’s the deal: just because someone drinks alone doesn’t mean they have an alcohol use disorder, but people with alcohol issues might be more likely to drink alone. Think of it like this—drinking solo can be a symptom of a larger problem, but it’s not a guaranteed indicator.

Research backs this up. A large review of studies showed that, while solitary drinking can be linked to problematic drinking, it’s not always a direct cause.

A smaller survey found that solitary drinkers solely are more likely to drink alcohol for unhealthy reasons like coping with stress or tension. Meanwhile, social drinkers might sip on a cocktail to celebrate or have a good time.

Another review focused on teens and young adults reported that solitary drinking was associated with heavier drinking, alcohol problems, and using alcohol as a coping mechanism.

Solo Drinking Isn’t Always a Problem

But again, this doesn’t mean everyone who drinks alone has a problem. In many cultures, solo drinking—like having wine with dinner—is completely common and not necessarily unhealthy.

On the flip side, it’s important to remember that someone can have a social drinking routine and still drink in unhealthy ways—for example, binge drinking or relying on alcohol to ease social anxiety.

“Healthy drinking alone typically involves moderation and enjoyment,” says Kass. “It’s usually about relaxation or fun, not distraction or emotional escape.”

Are There Any Benefits to Drinking Alone?

Drinking alone isn’t always a red flag! There are many reasons why someone might prefer it. Maybe your partner is a craft beer enthusiast, or they really appreciate a good cocktail. Perhaps, they like drinking an occasional wine glass because it makes them feel better.

For some, drinking in social settings feels tiring or anxiety-inducing. They might just not feel comfortable drinking in front of others, and that’s okay! Sometimes, it’s about personal preference.

“Drinking can be a part of a healthy lifestyle if it is done in moderation and is not used as an escape from issues or emotions,” Villarreal says.

That said, drinking alone can become a concern if it’s being used as an escape from stress, loneliness, or emotional pain.

Risks and Concerns of Drinking Alone

Even if your partner’s drinking habits seem normal, there are still some practical risks to keep in mind when someone drinks alone:

Driving under the influence : Without a designated driver, solo drinkers might be tempted to drive after a few drinks.

: Without a designated driver, solo drinkers might be tempted to drive after a few drinks. Impaired judgment : While drinking alone doesn’t guarantee you’ll make bad decisions, you’re more likely to make choices that might not seem so smart the next morning—like sending that angry late-night text to your ex or oversharing on social media.

: While drinking alone doesn’t guarantee you’ll make bad decisions, you’re more likely to make choices that might not seem so smart the next morning—like sending that angry late-night text to your ex or oversharing on social media. Physical injury : If you’ve ever gotten a little clumsy after a few drinks, you know that having others around can be helpful to avoid trips, falls, or worse.

: If you’ve ever gotten a little clumsy after a few drinks, you know that having others around can be helpful to avoid trips, falls, or worse. Alcohol poisoning : Drinking too much without someone nearby to step in can be dangerous—there’s no one to spot the signs of alcohol poisoning or call for help.

: Drinking too much without someone nearby to step in can be dangerous—there’s no one to spot the signs of alcohol poisoning or call for help. Feeling isolated: While some people enjoy a drink alone, over time, solitary drinking can lead to feelings of loneliness or isolation.

If your partner regularly drinks alone, keep the lines of communication open. Staying judgment-free will make it easier for them to reach out—whether they need a ride home or just some support.

Signs of Problematic Drinking Alone

So, how do you know if your partner’s solo drinking is something to be concerned about? According to Kass and Villarreal, you might want to step in if:

Their health, job, or relationships are suffering because of their drinking

They can’t cut down or stop drinking, even if they want to

They drink to the point of blacking out or having memory loss

They experience withdrawal symptoms (like anxiety or irritability) when not drinking

They need more alcohol to feel the same effects

They get defensive or feel guilty when you bring up their drinking

They drink to numb emotions or cope with stress

They are anxiously waiting or looking forward to drinking

It can be tricky to tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy drinking. Often, it comes down to why your partner is drinking and the impact it has on their life, Villarreal says. Are they drinking to enjoy themselves, or are they trying to escape something?

Tip: That said, it’s not always easy to tell why your partner drinks alone. For this reason, it’s a good idea to have an open, honest conversation with them, rather than making assumptions.

How to Talk to Your Partner About Drinking Responsibly

Talking to your partner about their drinking can feel awkward, but it doesn’t have to be. The key is approaching the conversation with empathy and curiosity rather than judgment. No one wants to feel blamed or cornered.

Kass recommends starting the conversation with curiosity and empathy and asking about their drinking in a nonjudgmental way. “You want your partner to feel comfortable expressing their true feelings, rather than just telling you what they think you want to hear,” Kass advises.

Try asking open-ended questions like:

I usually prefer drinking with friends—do you enjoy it more when you’re on your own?

How do you feel when you drink alone?

What does drinking do for you in those moments?

Do you think alcohol helps you manage your emotions? Which ones?

Questions like these open up the conversation without bringing in judgment and can possibly lead to a deeper understanding of how your partner views alcohol.

Remember, alcohol can sometimes act as a crutch, masking deeper challenges that need attention. If you’re feeling stuck, don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist or counselor. And if your partner is open to it, professional help can be a game-changer.

Seeking Help and Support

If you’re concerned about your partner’s drinking, know that you’re not navigating this alone. It’s totally okay to feel unsure or overwhelmed, but there’s help out there—both for you and your partner. Reaching out for support is a strong and positive step, whether you’re looking to help someone you love or you’re trying to understand your own feelings about their drinking.

If you’re looking for resources to help your partner—or even yourself—here are a few great places to start:

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration Helpline (SAMHSA) : This free helpline connects you with local resources like support groups and counseling services. It’s available 24/7, so whether you need advice at 3 p.m. or 3 a.m., they’ve got you covered. Call 1-800-662-4357 or visit their website.

: This free helpline connects you with local resources like support groups and counseling services. It’s available 24/7, so whether you need advice at 3 p.m. or 3 a.m., they’ve got you covered. Call 1-800-662-4357 or visit their website. FindTreatment: This tool, created by SAMHSA, can help you find local treatment for mental health and substance use disorders in your area.

This tool, created by SAMHSA, can help you find local treatment for mental health and substance use disorders in your area. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) : If your partner is open to it, AA offers both online and in-person support groups across the country. It’s all about community, sharing, and helping each other navigate life without alcohol. You can find a group that fits your partner’s needs on their website.

: If your partner is open to it, AA offers both online and in-person support groups across the country. It’s all about community, sharing, and helping each other navigate life without alcohol. You can find a group that fits your partner’s needs on their website. Al-Anon: Al-Anon is a support group for people who have been affected by a loved one’s drinking. If your partner’s drinking is affecting you, it might be a good idea to join an Al-Anon meeting.

Al-Anon is a support group for people who have been affected by a loved one’s drinking. If your partner’s drinking is affecting you, it might be a good idea to join an Al-Anon meeting. SMART Recovery : This online recovery program gives people practical tools and techniques to help manage cravings and navigate life sober. It’s a 24/7 support system, with forums and chats that are available whenever you need them. Think of it as an empowering place to connect and find guidance.

: This online recovery program gives people practical tools and techniques to help manage cravings and navigate life sober. It’s a 24/7 support system, with forums and chats that are available whenever you need them. Think of it as an empowering place to connect and find guidance. Sober Grid: Sober Grid is an app that connects you with others in your local area who are also on their sober journey. It’s a great way to build a support system and meet people who really get what your partner’s going through.

For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.

Your Partner’s Substance Abuse Hurts You, Too

As you’re supporting your partner, remember to take care of yourself, too. It’s okay to feel frustrated, confused, or even helpless sometimes, but having these resources—and maybe even reaching out for your own therapy or support—can help you navigate the situation with compassion and understanding.

Opening up the conversation with your partner might feel tough at first, but knowing there are professionals and support networks to back you both up can make all the difference.

And in the end, that’s what it’s all about: finding the help you need, so neither of you has to go through this alone.

No one ever sets out to be in an unhealthy relationship. We all strive for a version of happily ever after, where our needs and those of our partner are met in a shared life we build together. For a myriad of reasons, however, that doesn’t always happen—and what you deem as promising can turn out to be toxic. But since the word toxic gets thrown around a lot, especially in the context of a romantic partnership, it can be hard to decipher if you’re actually in this type of situation. What really is a toxic relationship anyway?

“A toxic relationship is one that adversely impacts a person’s health and well-being,” says Kelly Campbell, interpersonal relationships expert. “Because we spend so much of our time and energy on a romantic partner, these relationships are especially influential on our well-being. When they are going well, we are usually doing well. But when they are not going well, our health and happiness will likely be negatively affected.”

Licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and relationship expert Nicholas “Nic” Hardy also adds, “When someone is in a toxic relationship, they often adjust in ways that are contra to who they are. These adjustments are less about improving, and more about unhealthy accommodations to appease your partner.” In other words, while it may seem like a toxic relationship is easy to spot, realizing you’re actually in this predicament is a lot more complicated, as toxicity can often be wrapped up in internal actions you may ignore. If you do suspect you’re in a toxic union, though, we know it’s tough—but it may be time to make some healthy adjustments.

Meet the Expert Kelly Campbell, Ph.D., is an expert in interpersonal relationships, positive psychology, diversity, and leadership.

Nicholas “Nic” Hardy is a licensed clinical social worker, a psychotherapist, and a relationship expert who specializes in couples counseling and relationship coaching.

Below, Campbell and Hardy delve into the red flags you need to look out for and how to leave a toxic relationship when those troublesome signs appear. Read on to get her insights so that you can do what’s right for you.

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What Is a Toxic Relationship?

A toxic relationship is one with a negative mental impact, but the definition isn’t always clear; the term “toxic” may be open to some interpretation. “People can vary in terms of what they consider toxic: What is toxic to one person might be perceived as normal for another,” Campbell says. “As such, the defining features can be somewhat subjective.”

That’s why it’s important to look at each relationship for its specific traits as much as possible. “From a researcher’s standpoint, there are numerous factors to consider, including communication style, conflict resolution style, dependency level, and degree of reciprocity,” Campbell continues. Nevertheless, there are still universal lines your partner should never cross, which we explore ahead.

8 Key Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship

Ahead, these eight red flags are signs that your relationship is or has turned toxic.

You feel like you’re always walking on eggshells.

“The person you are with is unpredictable and could get upset at the drop of a hat,” Campbell says. “So you constantly monitor what you say, how you say it, and when you say it, to avoid rocking the boat.”

You are investing a lot in terms of time, emotions, and money—and getting little in return.

“Healthy relationships should not be one-sided,” Campbell continues. “Although sometimes people carry the burden for a period of time, such as when a partner is ill, this should not be something that continues indefinitely.”

Your partner holds you back.

“In a healthy relationship, partners celebrate each other’s successes and mold each other into their ideal selves—which is a concept known as the Michelangelo phenomenon,” Campbell explains. “If you notice that your partner is jealous, competitive, and generally unhappy when you are doing well, then that’s a huge red flag.”

You and your partner are constantly fighting.

“Because conflict exists in every relationship, it’s sometimes hard to decipher between what’s normal and what’s unhealthy,” notes Hardy. “However, when you are consistently fighting and find yourself getting out of character during these fights, this could be a sign of a toxic relationship.”

You lack independence.

“If your partner needs to know where you are at all times, calls or texts constantly while you are apart, goes through your phone or computer, manages and restricts your finances, or engages in other obsessive and controlling behaviors, the relationship is likely toxic,” Campbell says.

Your sense of self-worth has dramatically declined since beginning the relationship.

“If this is the case, then you should examine the extent to which your partner has contributed to that outcome,” Campbell notes. “Do they put you down, criticize you, judge you, disrespect you, or ignore you?”

You have a lack of peace.

“Every relationship will experience challenges, but on average, if the relationship disturbs your emotional and psychological well-being, and disrupts other major areas of your life (i.e., work) then it could be toxic,” explains Hardy. “A healthy relationship should not be a source of ongoing stress and anxiety.”

You feel extremely isolated.

According to Hardy, “Toxic relationships can be isolating and deprive individuals of the freedom to have a life outside of the relationship. This can be in the form of relationships and/or activities that you enjoy. For example, if you are forced to disassociate yourself from friends and family, or if the entirety of your life revolves around your partner and what they enjoy, this can be a sign of a toxic relationship.”

Vladimir Vladimirov / Getty Images

Reasons Why It’s Hard to Leave a Toxic Relationship

Ending a relationship is never easy. But it can oftentimes be difficult for someone in a toxic relationship to leave their situation due to several reasons, which Hardy breaks down below.

Fear of the unknown: “Fear of the unknown can keep individuals attached to an unhealthy relationship because of familiarity. Leaving a toxic relationship can seem daunting and appear worse than what you are already experiencing. Unfortunately, these fears are often reinforced by a toxic spouse—making it harder to overcome our own fears and mental barriers,” Hardy shares.

“Fear of the unknown can keep individuals attached to an unhealthy relationship because of familiarity. Leaving a toxic relationship can seem daunting and appear worse than what you are already experiencing. Unfortunately, these fears are often reinforced by a toxic spouse—making it harder to overcome our own fears and mental barriers,” Hardy shares. Hope that things will change: “Hope is very powerful and can be positive when leveraged appropriately. However, hope can also cause individuals to be overly optimistic, overlooking blatant facts and ignoring the truth of their own toxic reality,” Hardy continues. “It’s possible that even in a toxic relationship, there are moments of positivity. These moments can create the illusion that the relationship is improving, or that it is not as bad.”

“Hope is very powerful and can be positive when leveraged appropriately. However, hope can also cause individuals to be overly optimistic, overlooking blatant facts and ignoring the truth of their own toxic reality,” Hardy continues. “It’s possible that even in a toxic relationship, there are moments of positivity. These moments can create the illusion that the relationship is improving, or that it is not as bad.” Previous trauma: “Previous trauma can influence what we tolerate in a relationship and subconsciously, what we deem acceptable,” notes Hardy. “Traumatic experiences can also play a role in our self-esteem, confidence, and the narratives we create in our mind, especially when it comes to leaving a toxic relationship.”

“Previous trauma can influence what we tolerate in a relationship and subconsciously, what we deem acceptable,” notes Hardy. “Traumatic experiences can also play a role in our self-esteem, confidence, and the narratives we create in our mind, especially when it comes to leaving a toxic relationship.” Low self-esteem and confidence: “Toxic relationships often impact our self-esteem and confidence. How we view ourselves, our abilities, and our future possibilities can all be negatively impacted because of a toxic relationship. Consequently, when it comes to leaving the relationship, we may doubt ourselves or question if we should leave,” says Hardy.

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How to Leave a Toxic Relationship in 6 Steps

Understanding that you’re in a toxic relationship is the first step—the next is to figure out how to leave it. “If someone finds themselves in a toxic relationship, they should get the help required to change it or get out of it,” Campbell affirms. It’s important, she notes, to start creating a game plan. Depending on the level of seriousness, this can mean confiding in friends and family for advice or seeking a therapist. “A good therapist can help you cope, restore your sense of self-worth, and address safety concerns,” Campbell continues. “So, if you have access to therapy, it is highly recommended you get professional help.”

If the problem is more involved, Campbell recommends the above, as well as saving money to move out, keeping accurate records of abusive behavior, and obtaining a restraining order. “If you have asked your partner to leave you alone and not contact you, but they continue to call or show up unexpectedly, you have grounds for a restraining order,” she says. Lastly, keep these six options in mind when you’re ready to make changes.

1. Seek Out a Therapist

Speaking to a therapist or counselor about your situation and decision to leave is one of the first steps you should take. According to Hardy, “Depending on the extent of toxicity, safety planning may be a critical step in the process of exiting the relationship. A professional can often guide you through resources, and help you navigate questions or concerns you have about your decision.”

2. Tell Trusted Family Members and Friends About Your Situation—Including Your Plan to Leave

“You may need a place to stay when you end the relationship, and people in your social network could help provide that stepping stone,” Campbell explains. “At the very least, they can offer social and emotional support.”

3. Work on Your Self-Esteem

Hardy explains that toxic relationships can negatively impact our personal belief systems—”whether it’s how we view ourselves, confidence, self-esteem, or our overall views on life”—so doing the inner work will push you in the right direction towards leaving your unhealthy relationship. “A professional can help identify negative thoughts and provide the tools to reframe cognitive distortions,” he continues.

4. Save Money

“Try to put away as much money as possible to prepare for the eventual end of the relationship,” Campbell suggests. If your partner has been violent and/or has threatened you, keep records of every instance and consider getting a restraining order against them. “Restraining orders give officers the right to search the person if the order is violated, which is important for keeping the targeted person safe,” she says.

5. Leave and Cut Off All Communication

“Continuous exchanges can prolong the healing process,” Campbell says. “Sometimes it is impossible to cut off all communication, such as when children are involved. In those cases, keep the communication direct and minimal—discuss what you must and nothing more. After some time has passed, if both people heal and change their ways, a friendship may be possible. But right after a breakup, don’t try to be friends, and definitely don’t engage in any flirting or sexual activity with the person.”

6. Identify Patterns and Lessons Learned

“It is important to not only leave a toxic relationship, but also, learn from them as well,” explains Hardy. “A professional can help you grow by exploring the relationship in-depth, family history, patterns, etc. Even in the aftermath of a toxic relationship, there is always an opportunity for growth, whether it’s relationally, personally, or professionally.”

How to Recover From a Toxic Relationship

After you’ve left a toxic relationship, Campbell recommends reinforcing boundaries and putting your happiness first. It’s also important to remember that this relationship does not define you and that you can build a future where a healthy relationship is possible. These three tips from Campbell can get you started on your path towards healing.

Take the time you need to heal.

“Spend time with people who love you and who build you up rather than tear you down,” Campbell says. “You can also spend time with animals since they provide a good model of unconditional love and help alleviate loneliness. They can also get you out into nature and interacting with others.”

Pick up some hobbies that you either used to enjoy or have always wanted to try.

“Hobbies not only boost self-esteem, but they provide a good place to meet new partners when the time is right,” Campbell notes.

Work on yourself before getting into another relationship.

“With toxic relationships, a person often loses themself,” Campbell continues. “It can take time to get in touch with who they are and to heal from the damage caused by the relationship.”

Key Takeaways Enabler behavior means helping someone continue harmful actions instead of stopping them.

People enable to avoid fights, feel needed, or maintain peace, but it harms everyone.

To stop enabling, set boundaries and encourage the person to take responsibility.

Offering a parent living with diabetes a piece of cake they’re not supposed to eat. Helping your friend cheat on a test. Giving a family member living with a substance use disorder the money to buy drugs. Covering up for a colleague’s consistently poor performance. Making excuses for a partner’s excessive drinking habits.

These are all examples of enabler behavior. Enabler behavior involves encouraging someone to do things they shouldn’t do, pretending like there isn’t a problem, helping them cover up their mistakes, and allowing them to keep doing what they’re doing instead of calling them out on it.

It’s important to take steps to recognize this behavior and correct it by setting boundaries with the person, avoiding making excuses for them, letting them take responsibility for their actions, and encouraging them to get help.

What Is the Role of an Enabler?

According to the American Psychological Association, an enabler is someone who permits, encourages, or contributes to someone else’s maladaptive behaviors.

Enabling behavior can look different for everyone, but it’s essentially when someone makes up excuses for a loved one and allows their negative behaviors to continue, says Kelsey Rower, RN, Director of Nursing at the Atlanta Detox Center.

Recognizing the pattern of enabler behavior is important because it can help us understand the role the enabler is playing in the person’s harmful habits. Breaking this pattern can be the first step toward breaking the cycle of harmful behavior.

Common Signs of Enabling Behavior

These are some common signs of enabling behavior:

Encouraging them: The enabler may encourage the person to engage in problematic behavior instead of discouraging them. For example, a friend who doesn’t want to drink alone may pressure a buddy into drinking, even though the person tends to drink excessively.

The enabler may encourage the person to engage in problematic behavior instead of discouraging them. For example, a friend who doesn’t want to drink alone may pressure a buddy into drinking, even though the person tends to drink excessively. Denying the problem: The enabler may deny the issue and pretend as though the person doesn’t have a problem. For instance, instead of cautioning someone with severe diabetes from drinking a large sugary drink that they’re not supposed to have, an enabler might say: “Don’t worry, you’re totally fine; nothing will happen.”

The enabler may deny the issue and pretend as though the person doesn’t have a problem. For instance, instead of cautioning someone with severe diabetes from drinking a large sugary drink that they’re not supposed to have, an enabler might say: “Don’t worry, you’re totally fine; nothing will happen.” Minimizing the issue: The enabler may downplay the severity of a person’s problematic behavior or ignore the extent of their issues. They may say, “What’s the big deal? We’re just getting a drink. Stop overreacting!”

The enabler may downplay the severity of a person’s problematic behavior or ignore the extent of their issues. They may say, “What’s the big deal? We’re just getting a drink. Stop overreacting!” Making excuses: The enabler may make excuses for the person’s behavior, deflecting the blame onto something else. A spouse may justify their partner’s drinking and tell others: ‘He’s had a tough week at a stressful job,’ Rower explains.

The enabler may make excuses for the person’s behavior, deflecting the blame onto something else. A spouse may justify their partner’s drinking and tell others: ‘He’s had a tough week at a stressful job,’ Rower explains. Hiding their behavior: The enabler may hide or cover up the person’s actions from their friends, family, workplace, or the authorities so they don’t get into trouble. They may keep secrets or withhold information on their behalf.

The enabler may hide or cover up the person’s actions from their friends, family, workplace, or the authorities so they don’t get into trouble. They may keep secrets or withhold information on their behalf. Rescuing the person: The enabler may repeatedly come to the person’s rescue and bail them out of trouble so they don’t face the consequences of their actions.

The enabler may repeatedly come to the person’s rescue and bail them out of trouble so they don’t face the consequences of their actions. Taking on their responsibilities: The enabler may take on the person’s responsibilities instead of letting them manage by themselves. For example, an enabler may repeatedly take on their coworker’s share of the project instead of letting their manager know that they didn’t contribute because they don’t want to fall out of favor with their colleagues.

The enabler may take on the person’s responsibilities instead of letting them manage by themselves. For example, an enabler may repeatedly take on their coworker’s share of the project instead of letting their manager know that they didn’t contribute because they don’t want to fall out of favor with their colleagues. Accommodating their habits: The enabler may accommodate the person’s habits by giving them money or other resources they need in order to continue. For instance, a family member may continue to give a loved one money despite knowing that they’re using it to buy drugs.

The enabler may accommodate the person’s habits by giving them money or other resources they need in order to continue. For instance, a family member may continue to give a loved one money despite knowing that they’re using it to buy drugs. Repeated reconciliation: The enabler may accept the person’s apologies and reconcile with them repeatedly even though they show no signs of changing their behavior.

The enabler may accept the person’s apologies and reconcile with them repeatedly even though they show no signs of changing their behavior. Failing to intervene: The enabler may let the person’s behavior continue, even though it gets very far out of hand.

Understanding Enabling Behavior

Below, we explore the motivations and psychological factors behind enabling behavior.

Motivations Behind Enabling Behavior

Motivations for enabling behavior can be complex and multifaceted, often involving a combination of factors. These are some common motivators:

Fear of conflict: The enabler may fear conflict or confrontation and engage in enabling behavior just to maintain a sense of peace, even though the situation is dysfunctional.

The enabler may fear conflict or confrontation and engage in enabling behavior just to maintain a sense of peace, even though the situation is dysfunctional. Misplaced loyalty: The enabler may feel a strong sense of love, duty, loyalty, or empathy toward the person engaging in negative behaviors, causing them to overlook or excuse their actions. This loyalty is often misplaced because the person will benefit more from being called out than being allowed to continue.

The enabler may feel a strong sense of love, duty, loyalty, or empathy toward the person engaging in negative behaviors, causing them to overlook or excuse their actions. This loyalty is often misplaced because the person will benefit more from being called out than being allowed to continue. Unrealistic optimism: The enabler may maintain a sense of hope that the person engaging in harmful behaviors will change on their own, even though this optimism is often unrealistic.

The enabler may maintain a sense of hope that the person engaging in harmful behaviors will change on their own, even though this optimism is often unrealistic. Need for approval: The enabler may allow someone’s negative behaviors because they want their validation or approval. They may turn a blind eye toward their actions because they want to maintain a positive relationship with the person.

The enabler may allow someone’s negative behaviors because they want their validation or approval. They may turn a blind eye toward their actions because they want to maintain a positive relationship with the person. Cultural factors: Cultural or familial norms may also play a role in enabler behavior, especially if they promote the idea that certain behaviors should be tolerated or kept within the family instead of seeking help for them.

Enabling behavior is typically driven by hope, guilt, fear, and love. — KELSEY ROWER, RN

Psychological Aspects of Enabling

These are some of the psychological factors that may contribute to enabler behavior:

Low self-esteem: The enabler may have low self-esteem, causing them to seek approval and validation by helping others—even if they’re helping them in the wrong direction—rather than taking a stand against their negative behavior.

The enabler may have low self-esteem, causing them to seek approval and validation by helping others—even if they’re helping them in the wrong direction—rather than taking a stand against their negative behavior. Avoidance coping: The person may resort to enabler behavior as an avoidance coping technique, in order to avoid confronting the problem or creating a conflict.

The person may resort to enabler behavior as an avoidance coping technique, in order to avoid confronting the problem or creating a conflict. Attachment: The enabler may have a strong sense of emotional attachment toward the person engaging in unhealthy behaviors. For example, a parent may fear that their child who has an addiction will hurt themselves or even die if they don’t continue to support them, says Rower.

The enabler may have a strong sense of emotional attachment toward the person engaging in unhealthy behaviors. For example, a parent may fear that their child who has an addiction will hurt themselves or even die if they don’t continue to support them, says Rower. Fear of abandonment: The enabler may believe that the person will leave them if they don’t continue to help them. This may be especially true in the case of a spouse or a parent the enabler is emotionally, physically, or financially dependent on, with nowhere else to go.

The enabler may believe that the person will leave them if they don’t continue to help them. This may be especially true in the case of a spouse or a parent the enabler is emotionally, physically, or financially dependent on, with nowhere else to go. Empathy: The enabler may have a heightened sense of empathy that makes it difficult for them to see others experience the severe consequences of their actions, so they may take steps to protect them.

The enabler may have a heightened sense of empathy that makes it difficult for them to see others experience the severe consequences of their actions, so they may take steps to protect them. Sense of responsibility: The enabler may feel a strong sense of responsibility to protect or care for the person engaging in harmful actions.

The enabler may feel a strong sense of responsibility to protect or care for the person engaging in harmful actions. Cognitive distortions: The enabler may use cognitive distortions as a coping mechanism. They may deny the problem to themselves or convince themselves that it’s really not that bad.

The enabler may use cognitive distortions as a coping mechanism. They may deny the problem to themselves or convince themselves that it’s really not that bad. Learned behavior: Enabler behavior can be learned from social or cultural environments where enabling is normalized. Growing up in a household where certain behaviors are tolerated, ignored, or kept hush-hush may cause this pattern to continue.

Often, people are unaware they are enabling their loved ones and have good intentions. — KELSEY ROWER, RN

Types of Enablers

These are some of the different types of enablers:

Financial enablers give someone engaging in harmful habits the money to continue doing so.

give someone engaging in harmful habits the money to continue doing so. Workplace enablers cover up the poor performance or inappropriate behavior of their colleagues.

cover up the poor performance or inappropriate behavior of their colleagues. Academic enablers help people cheat, copy homework, or give them the answers.

help people cheat, copy homework, or give them the answers. Substance use enablers encourage, facilitate, or ignore someone’s problematic use of substances such as alcohol or drugs.

encourage, facilitate, or ignore someone’s problematic use of substances such as alcohol or drugs. Addiction enablers allow people to engage in activities that they’re addicted to, such as gaming or shopping.

allow people to engage in activities that they’re addicted to, such as gaming or shopping. Relationship enablers tolerate toxic behaviors such as dishonesty, infidelity, or abuse within a relationship.

tolerate toxic behaviors such as dishonesty, infidelity, or abuse within a relationship. Family enablers permit unhealthy and dysfunctional family dynamics.

permit unhealthy and dysfunctional family dynamics. Social enablers support, participate in, or fail to stand against socially harmful behaviors like gossiping, bullying, or gaslighting.

support, participate in, or fail to stand against socially harmful behaviors like gossiping, bullying, or gaslighting. Health enablers support unhealthy lifestyle choices and avoid addressing health concerns.

support unhealthy lifestyle choices and avoid addressing health concerns. Legal enablers cover up or minimize the legal consequences of someone’s actions.

Effects of Enabling

Enabler behavior can have negative consequences for the enabler and the person they’re enabling. It’s basically a lose-lose situation for everyone involved.

Negative Consequences of Enabling Behavior

These are some of the negative consequences the enabler may face:

Guilt: Enablers may experience guilt or shame at the thought that they contributed to the problems at hand. Parents are especially likely to feel guilty and blame themselves for their child’s problems, says Rower.

Enablers may experience guilt or shame at the thought that they contributed to the problems at hand. Parents are especially likely to feel guilty and blame themselves for their child’s problems, says Rower. Emotional distress: The enabler may experience stress, fear, worry, frustration, helplessness, and emotional exhaustion as they witness the consequences for the person being enabled.

The enabler may experience stress, fear, worry, frustration, helplessness, and emotional exhaustion as they witness the consequences for the person being enabled. Identity erosion: Enablers may struggle with a sense of identity erosion as their actions become increasingly centered around the person being enabled, neglecting their own needs and values.

Enablers may struggle with a sense of identity erosion as their actions become increasingly centered around the person being enabled, neglecting their own needs and values. Depression and anxiety: Enablers often experience depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues, Rower explains.

Enablers often experience depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues, Rower explains. Financial strain: Financial enablers may feel the strain of supporting the person’s habits.

Financial enablers may feel the strain of supporting the person’s habits. Relationship difficulties: Enabling behavior can also cause relationship issues with other friends and family members who don’t understand why the enabler is seemingly supporting the person’s habits, says Rower.

Long-Term Effects on the Enabled Individual

These are some of the negative consequences the enabled person may face:

Lack of accountability: Enabling allows the person to continue to do the things they are doing and reduces their consequences, says Rower. The person may never be held accountable for their actions, because they are always being saved from the consequences.

Enabling allows the person to continue to do the things they are doing and reduces their consequences, says Rower. The person may never be held accountable for their actions, because they are always being saved from the consequences. Dependency: The person may develop a dependency on others, counting on them to bail them out of trouble or clean up their messes. They may not be able to function on their own.

The person may develop a dependency on others, counting on them to bail them out of trouble or clean up their messes. They may not be able to function on their own. Recurring problems: The person being enabled may carry on with their negative behavior, because they are not being forced to stop. They may never develop the coping skills they need to address the root of the problem. The cycle of negative behavior continues and often gets worse if left unchecked.

The person being enabled may carry on with their negative behavior, because they are not being forced to stop. They may never develop the coping skills they need to address the root of the problem. The cycle of negative behavior continues and often gets worse if left unchecked. Self-destructive tendencies: Enabling behavior allows the person to continue with negative habits that are ultimately harmful to themselves, in a self-sabotaging pattern.

Recognizing and Addressing Enabling Behavior

Recognizing and addressing enabler behavior is an ongoing process that requires self-awareness:

Reflect on your actions: Reflect on your own words and actions. Consider whether you may have supported the person’s habits in any way, whether knowingly or unknowingly.

Reflect on your own words and actions. Consider whether you may have supported the person’s habits in any way, whether knowingly or unknowingly. Observe patterns: Pay attention to the person’s behavior and your role in it. Do you encourage them, make excuses for them, or make light of the problem? Chances are, a pattern will emerge.

Pay attention to the person’s behavior and your role in it. Do you encourage them, make excuses for them, or make light of the problem? Chances are, a pattern will emerge. Seek feedback: Ask your friends, family members, or colleagues to be honest with you about your behavior and the role you’re playing in the person’s problems.

Ask your friends, family members, or colleagues to be honest with you about your behavior and the role you’re playing in the person’s problems. Consider your motivations: It’s important to be honest with yourself about why you’re doing it. Are you trying to keep the peace? Do you want to avoid falling out with them? Are you afraid of losing them?

It’s important to be honest with yourself about why you’re doing it. Are you trying to keep the peace? Do you want to avoid falling out with them? Are you afraid of losing them? Weigh the consequences: Think about the consequences of your actions. Are you actually helping them or just making the problem worse? Would they be better off acknowledging the problem and getting help?

Breaking the Cycle of Enabling

If you have been engaging in enabler behavior, these are some steps you can take to break the cycle:

Research has consistently shown that good social relationships are critical for optimal health, both mentally and physically. Studies have found that people with healthy relationships are more likely to engage in healthy behaviors and tend to have better health outcomes. They also often enjoy a longer life.

Learn some of the characteristics of healthy relationships, along with signs that suggest poor relationship health. We also share several steps you can take to create healthier relationships in your life.

Questions to Assess Relationship Health

No relationship is perfect, each having a mix of healthy and unhealthy characteristics. While people often spend a lot of time talking about how to spot an unhealthy relationship, they don’t necessarily discuss what constitutes a healthy one.

When assessing the health of your relationship, it’s helpful to ask yourself questions such as these:

Do you have trust in one another?

Do you respect each other?

Do you support each other’s interests and efforts?

Are you honest and open with each other?

Are you able to maintain your individual identity?

Do you talk about your feelings, hopes, fears, and dreams?

Do you feel and express fondness and affection?

Is there equality and fairness in your relationship?

Every person has different relationship needs. Some have higher needs for openness and affection than others, for example. In healthy relationships, each person’s needs are met.

Characteristics of Healthy Relationships

While all relationships are unique in their own way, there are some characteristics that differentiate a healthy interpersonal connection from an unhealthy one. Here are several to consider.

Trust

Trust is a key component of healthy relationships. Research suggests that your ability to trust others is influenced by your overall attachment style. In other words, relationships experienced early in life help shape a person’s expectations for future relationships.

If your past relationships have been secure, stable, and trusting, you are more likely to trust people in future relationships. If, however, your past relationships were unstable and undependable, you may have to work through trust issues going forward.

Trust is also established by how two people treat one another. When you see that the other person treats you well, is dependable, and will be there when you need them, you are more likely to develop trust in them. As this trust grows, the relationship becomes a greater source of comfort and security.

If you feel that you have to hide things from the other person, it may be because you lack this essential trust.

Openness and Self-Disclosure

Another characteristic of healthy relationships is feeling able to be yourself. While different couples have varying levels of openness and self-disclosure—the latter of which refers to what you are willing to share about yourself with another person—you should never feel like you have to hide aspects of yourself or change who you are.

At the beginning of a relationship, you may hold back and exercise more caution about what you’re willing to reveal. Over time, as the intimacy of a relationship increases, partners begin to reveal more of their thoughts, opinions, beliefs, interests, and memories to one another.

Being open with each other helps you feel more connected as a couple while fostering greater trust. Self-disclosure can further enhance trust in your relationship.

One study found that when people are unhappy with their partner’s level of openness, they typically discuss the issue with their partner. This is a good example of how addressing a problem openly can help strengthen a relationship.

This doesn’t mean that you must share every single thing with your partner. Each individual has their own privacy and space boundaries. What matters most is whether each partner feels comfortable sharing their hopes, fears, and feelings if they so choose.

Healthy Boundaries

Although your partner may have different needs than you, it’s important to find ways to compromise while maintaining your boundaries. Boundaries are not about secrecy. Instead, they establish that each person has their own needs and expectations.

Healthy boundaries are unique to each individual and each couple. They establish what you will and will not accept in your relationship. Examples of healthy boundaries include agreeing not to go through each other’s phones, giving each other the time and space to have friendships outside of the marriage, and respecting each other’s personal space.

A partner with unhealthy expectations of openness and honesty might expect to know where you are and what you’re doing at all times. They may also restrict who you can spend time with or demand access to your personal social media accounts.

Mutual Respect

In close, healthy relationships, people have a shared level of respect. They don’t demean or belittle one another and offer support and security.

There are a number of different ways that couples can show respect for one another. These include:

Listening to one another

Not procrastinating or stonewalling when your partner asks you to do something

Being understanding and forgiving when one person makes a mistake

Building each other up, not tearing each other down

Making room in your life for your partner

Taking an interest in the things your partner enjoys

Allowing your partner to have their own individuality

Supporting and encouraging your partner’s pursuits and passions

Showing appreciation and gratitude for one another

Having empathy for one another

Love and Affection

Healthy relationships are characterized by love and affection. A relationship often begins with passionate love or an intense longing, strong emotions, and a need to maintain physical closeness. This eventually transforms into compassionate love, which is marked by feelings of affection, trust, intimacy, and commitment.

The initial passion that marks the start of a new relationship tends to decline over time. Even though intense feelings early on eventually return to normal levels, couples in healthy relationships are able to build progressively deeper intimacy as the relationship progresses.

It is important to remember that physical needs are different for each individual. There is no right amount of affection or intimacy that applies to everyone. The key to a healthy relationship is that both partners are content with the level of affection they share.

A nurturing partnership is characterized by genuine love and affection for one another that is expressed in a variety of ways.

Good Communication

Healthy, long-lasting relationships—whether friendships or romantic partnerships—require the ability to communicate well. Being able to communicate doesn’t mean having no conflicts. It means being able to resolve differences of opinion effectively.

When conflicts do arise, those in healthy relationships are able to avoid personal attacks. They remain respectful and empathetic of their partner as they discuss their thoughts and feelings and work toward a resolution.

Sometimes conflict can even be an opportunity to strengthen a connection with your partner. Research has shown that conflict can be beneficial in intimate relationships when serious problems need to be addressed, allowing partners to make changes that benefit the future of the relationship.

Give-and-Take

Strong relationships are marked by natural reciprocity. It isn’t about keeping score or feeling that you owe the other person. You do things for one another because you genuinely want to.

This also doesn’t mean that the give-and-take in a relationship is always 100% equal. At times, one partner may need more help and support. In other cases, one partner may simply prefer to take more of a caregiver role. Such imbalance is fine as long as each person is okay with the dynamic and both partners are getting the support they need.

Recap Characteristics of healthy relationships include trust, openness, boundaries, respect, affection, communication, and mutual give-and-take.

Signs of Unhealthy Relationships

Relationships can change and not every relationship is healthy all the time. A relationship is unhealthy when the bad outweighs the good or when certain behaviors are harmful to one or both individuals. Times of stress, in particular, can lead to behaviors and coping mechanisms that create issues.

Signs of poor relationship health include:

Attempts to control your behavior

Avoiding one another

Being afraid to share your opinions or thoughts

Being pressured to quit the things you enjoy

Criticism of what you do, who you spend time with, how you dress, etc.

Feeling pressured to change who you are

Feeling that spending time together is an obligation

Lack of fairness when settling conflicts

Lack of privacy or pressure to share every detail of your life

Neglecting your own needs to put your partner first

Poor communication

Unequal control over shared resources such as money and transportation

Yelling

Some of these may be temporary and something you can address together, either through self-help methods or by consulting a mental health professional. When it comes to more serious issues, such as abusive behaviors, your primary concern should be maintaining your safety and security.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential assistance from trained advocates. For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.

Are You in a Healthy Relationship? Take the Quiz

If you’ve got questions about your relationship, our fast and free quiz can help you better understand if your partnership is rock solid or if it could use some work.

This healthy relationship quiz was reviewed by Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD.

How to Build Healthier Relationships

Toxic behaviors are often a sign that an unhealthy relationship should end. For other issues, there are many ways to fix weaknesses and build a healthier relationship.

Commit to the Work

Relationships take work—on both your parts. If you’re the only one who is trying to make things better, it leads to a one-sided relationship. This type of scenario can leave you feeling stressed, resentful, and emotionally exhausted.

Each person must be willing to do their part to maintain the connection and remedy issues that may exist. Commit to each other that you’ll do the work to build a stronger partnership.

Show Appreciation

Couples who feel gratitude for one another often experience greater closeness and personal well-being. Finding ways to express this gratitude is also important.

One study found that showing gratitude to a partner can improve the relationship, especially when the gratitude is genuinely given. A different piece of research notes that feeling gratitude from a partner helps protect the relationship, even during times of conflict and financial strain.

Ways to show a partner that you appreciate them include:

Taking care of a household chore that they typically do

Giving them a card to let them know how you feel

Making their favorite meal

Purchasing tickets to an event that they would enjoy

Keep Things Interesting

Keeping up with the daily grind of work and kids can cause couples to fall into the same old routine. Over time, this can make you feel bored in your relationship, also making you less likely to engage in activities with one another.

What are some things that you can do to keep the romance alive over the long term?

Schedule regular dates or set aside time each week to focus on one another

Try new things together, such as taking a class or starting a hobby that you both enjoy

Look for ways to surprise each other, like sending a random “I’m thinking of you” text in the middle of the day

Find time for intimacy and do things to get in the mood beforehand

When to Seek Relationship Help

All relationships have their bumps in the road. Conflicts over finances, challenges of parenting, and other differences can all create ups and downs in a long-term relationship. Even if you and your partner have a healthy relationship most of the time, problems might sometimes arise that could benefit from professional help.

If you feel like your relationship may benefit from outside help, consider talking to a counselor or therapist. Finding a mental health professional skilled in addressing interpersonal and relationship issues can help you both learn to communicate and cope with some of the issues that you might find challenging.

Working with a couples therapist can be a helpful way to address issues that you might be having in your relationship.

It’s important to remember that you can’t force someone to change their behavior unless they want to. If your partner is not interested in or willing to go counseling, you can always go on your own and focus on your own needs and wellness. Work on building your social support system outside of the relationship and consider ending the relationship if it is ultimately unhealthy.

A Word From Verywell

Even if your relationship seems healthy, it can be helpful at times to step back and look for improvements you can make together. Healthy relationships are marked by an ability to recognize problems, including your own, that might pose a threat to the long-term success of your relationship. By being willing to analyze your relationship, you can work together to build a more fulfilling partnership.

Get Help Now We’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs including Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.