Enjoying Life Without Substances

As many former addicts can attest, maintaining sobriety requires a great amount of work and dedication—as well as an entire lifestyle change. For all too many, this lifestyle change can leave them feeling secluded and cut off from the community. With bars and clubs dominating the late night scene, there aren’t many options for those who want to go out and be social in a drug and alcohol-free environment.

Enter Kyle Kuehn, founder and CEO of Lights Out, a new sober bar concept in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.

Lights Out’s mission is to combat alcoholism and addiction on every front. – Kyle Kuehn, founder and CEO of Lights Out sober bar

Not only do we want to provide a place that aids those in recovery, we also want to provide a place that teaches the next generation you can enjoy life without substances,” Kuehn said. “Lights Out is as much about recovery as it is prevention. If one life is changed by our mission, then it will all have been worth it.”

From Addiction To Sobriety

Kuehn is no stranger to addiction. His battle with substance abuse began as a teen and continued into his adult life. What began as a 15-year-old experimenting with marijuana and cigarettes quickly led to trying harder, more dangerous substances—and, eventually, addiction.

“At the age of 16, I started dabbling with alcohol and cocaine. By the age of 17 or 18, I had added ecstasy to that list. I had seasons of addiction to drugs my whole young adult life. As I got older, the primary addictions that were daily for me became alcohol and cigarettes.”

After years of struggling with depression and extreme highs and lows fueled by his addictions, he decided enough was enough. On January 21, 2015, Kuehn “kicked” his habit.

“I was experiencing great difficulty maintaining healthy relationships and a good working reputation,” Kuehn explained. “I was entering a season of life where I really wanted to be able to think clearly and not be controlled by my flesh. So, I resolved to give up caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine for 30 days — a challenge I have termed ‘Kicking The C.A.N.’ The prompting and power for this endeavor both came from God. I believe He gave me the idea to quit all 3 addictions, and also the strength.”

Focusing his attention on prayer and journaling, Kuehn made it through 30 days without his vices. On the 45th day, he began drinking caffeine again in moderation, but has no intention of allowing alcohol or drugs back into his life—a choice that is further solidified through his creation of Lights Out.

The Lights Out Concept

Kuehn’s idea for Lights Out actually came to him while he was still in active addiction during the fall of 2014. His original concept was to create a late-night boxing gym for those who wanted to replace their drug and alcohol habit with a healthy one.

“Around this time in my life, I was gaining weight rapidly and really wanted to be free from my addiction to alcohol,” Kuehn said. “While watching ‘The Fighter,’ I had what I thought to be an epiphany: a late night boxing gym! What a great way to get in shape, build community/relationships, and replace drinking. But it needed a name—that’s when I came up with Lights Out. The name represented getting your ‘lights knocked out’ and it represented the time at which this gym would be open—when the lights are out.”

“When all the other lights in the community have turned in or turned off, our lights will be on—giving hope, strength, and community to those who need it,” said Kuehn.

Eventually, Kuehn realized the recovery community needed so much more than a place to work out and embrace their inner Rocky.

“However cool of an activity, [boxing] would not fully satisfy the need that I saw so clearly in the community. The only thing that would satisfy the need in the community was community. A place of socialization. A place where one could come and be where the people are, free from the temptations that plague our society. It was clear that some might want to box or work out, but most wanted to just enjoy each other. That’s when Lights Out went from a late night boxing gym to a sober bar.”

“Let’s Change Culture”

While not the first bar of its kind, Lights Out is one of few sober bar concepts in the United States—something Kuehn hopes to change.

“I absolutely plan on expanding out of Lancaster. My vision is that in every city where there is a Boys and Girls Club providing community and fun for kids, there will be a Lights Out providing the same for adults. I hope to expand Lights Out across the nation and have even entertained the idea of franchising in the future. ‘Open late, promoting sobriety, and coming to a city near you!’”

Beyond his plans for expansion, Kuehn envisions an even greater future for Lights Out and other dry venues. He hopes sober bars will facilitate community and relationships for those in recovery, but he also hopes they’ll trigger changes on a cultural level.

“Humans were designed to be social; we need each other. And because of addiction, we sometimes find ourselves segregated from our own communities. My dream is to create a place that is fun enough for the drinker to put down their drink and safe enough for the addict to come enjoy the nightlife free of temptation.”

This isn’t just a sober bar, it’s a sober bar movement! It is the beginning of a shift in culture. It is the beginning of the conversation. Let’s change the way we live together. Let’s change culture!

Lights Out will officially open in Lancaster in the fall of 2016. In the meantime, the bar plans to host weekly and monthly events to raise awareness and give their community a taste of what’s to come.

“The events are designed to appeal to as many people groups as possible. We really want people to realize that this isn’t just a place for addicts, it’s a place for people,” Kuehn said.

For any addict, recovering addict or anyone else out there who’s struggling to find a place in their community, Kuehn says to hang in there and never lose hope.

“Find a loving church or community to share your struggles with. If you fall down 7 times, get up 8. Keep pressing forward…Let your light shine and hold on! Help is on the way!”

In San Diego–with so many healthy lifestyle options here–choosing a sober lifestyle isn’t just a personal decision; it’s a community-supported journey. There’s something about the combination of the climate, the outdoor activities, the yoga studios, the climbing gyms, the natural grocery stores, the organic dining options, and the fact that everybody is running around in athleisure wear that inspires a person to live their healthiest life. Let’s explore how San Diego supports its residents in maintaining a sober lifestyle through various wellness and community engagement avenues.

Holistic Health and Wellness

In San Diego, the focus on wellness extends beyond physical activities; it encompasses a holistic approach to health that includes nutritional counseling, yoga, meditation, and alternative therapies like acupuncture and massage. These widely available practices are often integrated into recovery programs, providing individuals with tools to manage stress and maintain mental balance. The city’s health food scene, with its abundance of organic markets and health-centric eateries, supports a clean-eating lifestyle that complements a sober life. Holistic health centers and wellness retreats also offer programs to support those in recovery, emphasizing the importance of taking care of all aspects of one’s health as a pathway to sustained sobriety.

Surfing as a Therapeutic Experience

Amidst the countless recreational activities available in San Diego, surfing is a particularly profound therapeutic experience for those in recovery. Surfing requires focus, balance, and a deep connection with the natural environment, making it an ideal pursuit for mindfulness and physical health. Many find that riding the waves is a powerful way to clear the mind and combat the stresses and triggers associated with recovery. The city’s numerous surf schools and community programs make this sport highly accessible to locals and visitors alike, ensuring that everyone can experience the rejuvenating power of the ocean. The benefits of surfing on mental health are well-documented, with its ability to boost mood, enhance self-esteem, and even reduce symptoms of PTSD and depression, making it a perfect fit for a lifestyle centered on sobriety.

Educational Opportunities and Career Support

San Diego’s commitment to supporting sober lifestyles extends into education and career development. Local colleges and vocational schools offer counseling and support groups specifically tailored for students in recovery. These programs aim to provide a stable environment that encourages educational advancement without the pressures often associated with college life. Career workshops and job fairs, often in collaboration with sober living communities, help individuals in recovery build new careers or reintegrate into the workforce. This focus on education and career not only aids in personal development but also reinforces the stability needed for long-term sobriety, proving that recovery and professional success can go hand in hand.

Nature and Outdoor Living

One of San Diego’s greatest assets in supporting a sober lifestyle is its natural environment. The city’s parks, beaches, and hiking trails provide ample opportunities for outdoor activities that foster both physical health and mental well-being. Activities like hiking, cycling, and kayaking encourage a connection with nature, which is therapeutic and has been shown to reduce stress, anxiety, and depression. The availability of such activities encourages individuals in recovery to spend time outdoors, benefiting from the healing aspects of nature and the physical exercise it naturally incorporates into their daily lives.

Sober Socialization and Entertainment

San Diego’s vibrant social scene includes an array of sober-friendly activities and venues that ensure fun and relaxation don’t have to involve alcohol or substances. Coffee shops, bookstores, and cinemas often host events ranging from open mic nights to movie screenings, creating spaces where individuals can socialize and enjoy entertainment without the temptation or presence of alcohol. Annual events such as sober music festivals and alcohol-free New Year’s Eve parties highlight the city’s inclusive approach, ensuring that everyone has access to enjoyable and engaging experiences regardless of their lifestyle choices.

San Diego Sober Living Homes

For those who may relapse or are in the initial stages of recovery, San Diego sober living homes offer a structured yet comfortable environment to regain stability. These facilities emphasize a lifestyle free from substances, with rules that support recovery and help residents avoid relapse. Staffed by professionals who understand the challenges of recovery, these homes provide not just accommodation but also therapy sessions, skill-building workshops, and support group meetings. They serve as crucial stepping stones for many, offering the support and guidance needed to transition back into everyday life confidently and securely.

San Diego not only makes it easy to live sober, but it also makes it an enriching way of life. As more cities look to create environments that foster such supportive networks, San Diego shines as a leading example of how community, nature, and dedicated services can come together to support a life of sobriety and wellness.

Chris Uhl will welcome a sold-out event of around 300 partiers this New Year’s Eve for Sweet Spot, his queer-themed dance party at Metro Gallery in Station North.

In addition to a night of dancing to pop music personally spun by Uhl, there will be a cluster of libations. But Uhl won’t be imbibing — not even a champagne toast at midnight. He’s been sober since January.

“Cutting alcohol out of my life was one of the best decisions I ever made,” he said. “I struggled with drinking for years. I was self-medicating. My mental health was trashed, I struggled with depression, relationships with family and friends were terrible, my creativity and my career suffered. It’s hard to see it when you’re using, but drinking makes everything worse.”

Uhl is among what many say is a growing number of LGBTQ people who have decided to stop drinking. In addition to the physical challenges and mental strains that come with giving up alcohol, LGBTQ people, who already struggle with isolation and social ridicule, must also adjust to eliminating a behavior that is very much intertwined with socialization in their community.

“There seem to be some folks who can separate the alcohol from the socialization, and others who cannot. But everyone is on their own journey with their relationship to alcohol, and I respect that,” said Joseph W. Ritsch, 54, who identifies as non binary. Ritsch stopped drinking on Jan. 1, 2023.

“I just felt like it was too much,” said Ritsch, a Greenmount West resident. “I was going out to socialize approximately five nights a week. One drink leads to two, and then you realize it’s 2-for-1 doubles during happy hours, so those two drinks are actually four, and so on. I also wasn’t liking what the alcohol was doing to me physically: insomnia, magnifying my anxiety issues, weight gain.”

To say the LGBTQ community has a complicated relationship with alcohol is putting it lightly.

About one-fourth of the LGBTQ+ community has moderate alcohol dependency, compared to 5%-10% of the general population, according to AlcoholRehabGuide.org. Bisexual women have the highest rate of alcohol dependency, with 25% reporting heavy drinking.

For many members of the LGBTQ community, alcohol plays an integral role in socialization, with advocates pointing out that their community is often shut out from traditional faith-based support systems, or must remain closeted to use them. Gay bars and clubs have long been an essential space for members of the LGBTQ community, viewed as a refuge. They also have been a center for social justice movements, community outreach efforts and social events, such as hosting gay sports leagues and trivia events.

And many feel a pressure to drink at gay bars, where some bartenders have been known to pour heavier quantities of alcohol, known as the “gay pour.”

It is widely believed that the “gay pour” originated with LGBTQ people turning to bartenders — and drinks — to dull the rejection and discrimination they faced in society. Some viewed it as a form of therapy, given the distrust many felt toward the medical community based on years of discrimination and rejection.

It was only 50 years ago that psychiatrists declassified homosexuality as a disorder, and psychoanalysts did the same nearly two decades later. In 2019, the American Psychoanalytic Association apologized for previously treating homosexuality as a mental illness, acknowledging that it had contributed to discrimination and trauma for the LGBTQ community.

Despite the reckoning, the contentious relationship between the LGBTQ community and the medical industry persists. According to American Addiction Centers, 21% of transgender patients and 10% of patients who identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual have experienced harsh or abusive language, and 27% of transgender patients have been refused health care from services.

Rebekah Dorff, 30, sits inside Wet City in Mount Vernon on Dec. 28, 2023. The bartender says she’s seen a 10% drop in her LGBTQ customers as more stop drinking. (Heather Diehl/for the Baltimore Banner)

“So much of our coming out is gathering at gay bars — and for a lot of us, it’s all we know,” said Uhl, 37. “We created Sweet Spot as a place for queers to meet, dance and let go. I’ve found that if the music’s good and the vibes are right, that’s all you need.”

Uhl, a Mount Vernon resident, is quick to say that his dance party is not intended to discourage guests from drinking.

“Do I need to force everyone into sobriety? No. I’m many things, but judgmental is not one of them. You have the option to not drink if you want,” he said, adding that he’s open to offering sober events in the future. “If there was a desire to have a fun, unique sober dance party, we would definitely take that on. I don’t know if it needs to be me. It could be anybody.”

Adam Bencomo, a bartender at Leon’s, which touts itself as one of the nation’s oldest gay bars, has noticed a shift toward sobriety.

“Some people will come out drinking soda or juice. Others will just disappear,” he said. “It started over the summer. I think everyone has different reasons — some people have health reasons, and some people hit rock bottom. Ultimately, I don’t think there is one reason why.”

Bencomo said he is offering at least one non-alcoholic mocktail at the Mount Vernon bar to meet the growing number of sober customers who want to continue going to bars because of the social benefits they find there.

“I’m hoping to have one for New Year’s Eve,” he said.

Adam Bencomo, 36, an art professor who tends bar at Leon’s, has noticed an increase in sober LGBTQ customers. Bencomo said, “Some people will come out drinking soda or juice. Others will just disappear.” (Kaitlin Newman/The Baltimore Banner)

Kaya Vision, 29, first noticed an uptick in sobriety and an overall reduction in alcohol consumption among the LGBTQ community after the COVID pandemic.

“During the pandemic, when everyone was sitting at home, drinking was through the roof. But when they got back into the workforce, it was time to shape up,” said Vision, the food and beverage manager at the Sagamore Pendry Baltimore. “Instead of getting four drinks, it’s two.”

Vision, who identities as queer and non-binary, also has observed an increase in sobriety among LGBTQ bartenders despite their having easy access to alcohol. Vision attributes this to a number of mental health and wellness initiatives geared towards the bartending community.

Kaya Vision is the food and beverage manager at Sagamore Pendry Baltimore. (Courtesy of Zebadiah Potler)

Rebekah Dorff, a 30-year-old bartender at Wet City in Mount Vernon, has seen a 10% decrease in her LGBTQ customers as more stop drinking. She also thinks that New Year’s resolutions and “Dry January” will cause a drop in sales, but not so significant as to cause her to panic.

“The place I work has food and mocktails to make up for those numbers,” she explained.

Vision does worry that a significant pendulum shift could have disastrous repercussions for the food and beverage industry as well as for queer spaces like bars and clubs, which he considers an important part of the queer community.

“Those bars rely solely on alcohol,” Vison said. “The lowering of the demand creates a lack of space. I am [worried]. But my hope is that people start adapting and recognizing that it’s not all about the drinking and that we still need a social space to get away.”

Uhl said he embraced sobriety last Jan. 9 in New York City, a turning point.

“I woke up [in a hotel room] after another night of too much partying — waking up with another hangover and wanting to die. I decided that was enough. I chose to get sober and have been since,” he said.

Although this has been a trying year for Uhl, he said that sobriety has given him “new life.”

Chris Uhl poses outside Metro Gallery on Dec. 28, 2023. After giving up drinking, he said, he refocused on building relationships, his work and other activities. He also bought a bike to get around town. “It’s just been a much more positive experience,” he said. (Heather Diehl/for the Baltimore Banner)

Sobriety “gave me the opportunity to reconnect with friends (and to make new ones) and reconnect with family, to start a new career, and to really focus on my health,” Ritsch added. “And my creativity is back. I’m learning, I’m growing and experiencing joy.”

Ritsch said giving up alcohol proved “easier” than expected.

“I realized rather quickly that I could continue my social life as it had been without alcohol being a part of it,” said Ritsch, who still goes to gay bars, but now chooses alcohol-free soda water drinks instead of mixed drinks. “My friends and social circles have been very supportive. And many of my friends are drinkers. There has been no judgement.”

Dorff, who is bisexual, said she is encouraged by seeing her queer sober friends who continue to go out.

“The gays I know that are sober are still out enjoying soda water with lime and shaking their asses to the same bops. I myself will still be sober out there making a fool of myself,” she said. “Not everyone can handle being around alcohol while staying sober, but for me, my community is more important than the drinking, and that’s what I’m there for.”

Veteran drag queen Stacey Antoine, whose stage name is Karmella, has noticed a number of bar patrons stop or cut back on drinking in recent years. But he worries that some might be replacing one vice with another.

“You can quit alcohol and you can find your sobriety from alcohol, and I support being sober,” the 37-year-old Station North resident said.

Antoine hosts recurring karaoke nights and movie nights at gay establishments. “Ultimately, everybody has their vices. How they chose to use them is only their concern.”

Uhl said he’s refocused on building relationships, his work and other activities. To celebrate his 100 days of sobriety, he purchased a bicycle. He said he now rides it most places.

“It’s just been a much more positive experience. I’m paying attention to every detail. I don’t miss it. I don’t need it,” Uhl said. “You’re creating a whole new life.”

A third place is a familiar public spot where you connect with others, a meeting place beyond home (first place) and work (second place). These environments play a role in a community, allowing people to interact and build relationships.

The importance of having places other than bars is significant because people need options to socialize without the influence of alcohol.

Consider finding a local coffee spot, bookstore, or library to study. They offer a safe place when stressed or feeling down.

Show up, hang out with friends, or go alone. It can help you find a sense of influence and identity. A place outside of work and home is necessary for well-being.

Ideas to find your spot:

Coffee Shops or Cafes

Restaurants

Libraries

The gym or exercise classes

Parks

Volunteer spaces

Churches

Online groups and community spaces also exist if you cannot meet in person. Digital platforms are helping people find connections and organize events. Social media groups dedicated to local interests provide virtual “third places” where individuals can organize meetups and engage in meaningful discussions.

These places should make us feel comfortable and cozy. They can offer socialization and relaxation. Getting away from home to work on homework and study can improve concentration.

For example, libraries as a third place, provide an environment for concentration. People frequently visit places relevant to their self-image, self-concept, and social values. You can reserve meeting rooms at the Fresno County Public Library.

The third place becomes a space for representing self-expressiveness by helping to discover one’s lifestyle and building good habits.

Venues like bars and cafes offer socialization, but they often come with financial expectations or revolve around alcohol consumption. People want more diverse and accessible options to create community connections.

Communities can strengthen relationships by creating more places for people to gather and make everyone feel like they belong. In a society that prioritizes productivity and performance, these spaces play a role in supporting mental well-being and experiencing a sense of community.

Whether attending a yoga class, joining a book club, or simply enjoying a quiet moment of reflection, these spaces empower people to prioritize their happiness.

Grace Lucido, a student majoring in communications and journalism at Fresno City College, goes to the library to do her homework or work on crafts. She said that third places have helped her create a safe space for brainstorming and focusing.

“Being safe, and feeling comfortable being yourself is important for third places. So just somewhere, you want to be in your free time [so] that you don’t feel judgment and you feel happy,“ Lucido said.

With the cost of living so high, it is becoming popular to be mindful of how to have fun without spending money.

“Physical communities are so important. You can see the benefits, and you don’t feel so alone,” Lucido said.

Social media can be isolating, which is another reason why building communities in real life is important.

“There needs to be a place where you are dedicating time for yourself to nurture your friends, your personal goals and endeavors, whether that be peace of mind or something creative,” Lucido said.

There is hope for our generation that we want to be sober, be creative, and nurture our own goals.

John Washington, a communications and journalism major at FCC, highlights the struggles of balancing full-time work and school and stresses the need for a space to relax and unwind. He said that while there can be a benefit of making parasocial relationships through the internet if finding friends in person is unattainable, it’s important to be mindful of where and how you’re meeting people.

“Technology is a good thing and kind of gives you more of an escape from whatever it is you’re focusing on whether that be work or school, but at the same time, I also feel like technology kind of eliminates that third place sometimes,” Washington said.

He emphasizes the value of in-person interactions so people can develop meaningful relationships.

“I think about the person that struggles to make connections and social connections in person, and for them to find somebody to be able to connect with or even relate to. I think it’s a big deal because I feel like everybody should have a friend, but at the same time, I do think it’s very important to have those social interactions,” Washington said.

Washington draws attention to the lack of third places in underserved communities. He reflects on his own experiences growing up and recalls the sense of community and joy found in community centers.

“I went to school on the westside of Fresno. While I was at school, I always noticed outside of the school, there’s just liquor stores,” Washington said.

Washington said the days he would spend at the Frank H Ball Community Center as a kid were some of the best days of his childhood.

“You could meet people around the community and it’s supposed to be a safe place and a place to have fun and get away from whatever it is you’re doing at home,” Washington said.

Tucked into a strip mall middle unit on the northeast side of 6th Avenue and Garrison, you’ll find The Karma House serving up kava, community and tea. They are also filling a role too often overlooked for people recovering from substance use disorders.

Open during the week until 3 or 4 a.m. and around the clock on weekends, The Karma House provides an alcohol-free social setting. For people trying to stay sober, that can be a godsend.

Social isolation has always been a significant driver for relapses. For example, a person with an alcohol use disorder may have a created a behavioral pattern by going to a bar every night. Not only does the bar provide their substance of choice, it provides a setting to be with other people.

Breaking that pattern can be psychologically overwhelming. Think of the social disconnect so many people felt during pandemic lockdowns. The isolation became crippling for huge swaths of our society.

Social beings by nature, people suddenly stripped of that interaction suffer.

That is a truth almost every person recovering from substance use disorders recognizes inherently. Sometimes the anxiety and loneliness can feel as overwhelming as the chemical dependency.

The Karma House steps into that void.

Run as a 501(c)(3) charitable organization that donates its proceeds back into the community, it is focused on “alternative products and services which promote a healthy and active lifestyle.” It is not uncommon to see its parking lot full and people sitting at patio tables late into the night.

That is exactly how I noticed it — walking home from a late church meeting the crowd outside was hard to miss. Sitting in a quiet suburban neighborhood (though far enough from any residential homes to avoid any noise or traffic issues), the gatherings became impossible to overlook whenever I drove past.

Eventually I stopped in to check it out.

The vibe is an eclectic mix between Paris on the Platte — the iconic coffee house for alternative Gen X teens — and a local bar. Couches and pillows sit to either side of the entryway and stools pull up to the live-edge wood bar top. There is a pool table and meeting room in the back. While it has become a go-to for sober individuals, it also attracts a host of community members and creatives who enjoy the atmosphere.

Art for sale adorns the walls alongside house rules that require patrons to “be respectful to each other” and “clean up after yourself” while mandating “no alcohol or drugs are allowed on premises or in the parking lot at any time.”

First time visitors get a free “shell” of kava and an introductory lesson on its history. Advocates claim the active ingredients help with anxiety, stress, sleeping problems and withdrawal symptoms. I can attest that it will numb the back of your throat and tongue.

Interest piqued, I followed up with my friend Jay Voigt, a substance use disorder expert, about The Karma House. He told me that while mainstream medicine remained skeptical about kava and kratom (a controversial extract sometimes promoted for opioid withdrawal), there is no doubt that providing safe social settings beyond regular recovery meetings is a vital piece of successful recovery.

Voigt himself sits on the board for S.AF.E — Sober And Fun (or at least that is family-friendly version) Entertainment. They gather groups of sober individuals together to provide safe, sober spaces at sporting and music events. You can regularly find them at Rockies, Nuggets, Avalanche and Broncos games.

But intermittent safe spaces cannot fill the daily gap in the way a place like The Karma House does. Throw in the yoga, massage, movie nights and video game tournaments scheduled in the space, and it is no wonder they have become a vital part of the community.

If good works lead to good karma, then The Karma House is one of the best places to find yourself in Denver.

Mario Nicolais is an attorney and columnist who writes on law enforcement, the legal system, health care and public policy. Follow him on Bluesky: @MarioNicolais.bsky.social.

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